and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize