I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
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He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
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you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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