you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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