I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
