I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
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Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
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It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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