garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
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What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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