either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
