Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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