oh god the rape fog is back!
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
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