Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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