positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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