But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
