i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
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