dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
