im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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