Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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