I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
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One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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