I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
