Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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