WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Hello my rib-scented angel!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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