Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
