I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
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So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
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How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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