someone get that fucking seahorse.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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