Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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