I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
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