My balls are so social today.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
