I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
