Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
