he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
please come you make the beer taste better
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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