they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
