Yo dont text me then not text me
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
