So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
