i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
