I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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