Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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