I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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