Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
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Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
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Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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