epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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