Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Randomize
