I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
