just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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