i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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