She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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