fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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