I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Come on in and take your pants off
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