CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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