I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
