i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
