He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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