The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
