pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
