is your mom at the bar?
I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
