You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I think your dad took our porno
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
