so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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