so explain again why im purple
no
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
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