i jhust puked up my retainher.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
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